ThoughtsOfAnEnglishMajor

My thoughts on life.

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You are Beautiful

When going through life, often times, our self-image and self-respect are ruined. We idolize the wrong people, try to blend into the crowd, we take our uniqueness for granted. At one point in my life I thought like that. I fought tenaciously to not be noticed or heard.

Life is silly. It offers us these wild adventure rides where the only admission is hope in the unknown. We pay the toll, hop on the ride, and are ultimately disappointed in the end. At first, we think nothing of it. It’s normal. However, after several rides, we start to get discouraged and then comes the crazy part. Instead of seeing fault in the ride, in the journey, in the rollercoaster of events, we find fault in ourselves. We focus in so finely on the outline, the general shape, that we miss all the stuff inside.

I’ve come to realize through many events in my life that life, even in its confusing moments, has purpose. However, it has only been within the last week that I have learned another valuable lesson; I am beautiful. You are beautiful. We as a people are beautiful. Whether you’re male, atheist, straight, catholic, female, jewish, asian, gay, or muslim, you are beautiful. No matter your creed, race, religion, you are an amazing being with unlimited potential. You can change the world. You can do great things. You are special. You are loved.

I am different. I like to smell drinking glasses when I pull them out of the cupboard. I have no idea why, but I do. I enjoy cleaning and find it theraputic. I have a great fear of geese. I am, at times, very loud. I am addicted to junk food. I am who I am. You are who you are. Despite the self confidence proclaimed by my outward appearance, I have been not had a high self-image. Today, however, I think I will look in the mirror, make eye contact with person I see not the person the world has seen, and will say, “You are beautiful.”

Do I Really Look Good?

Insecurity is something that every person faces. Sometimes it’s a man worried about his bald head, and other times it’s a woman worried about her weight. However, what I am discovering about my own insecurities is that they come from a place much deeper within my psyche than I ever imagined. After a few things have happened to me in my life, I have a great fear of abandonment. Usually, I handle it quite well. But here recently, it has stepped up to the plate and keeps hitting inside-the-park home runs.

Insecurity, for me, is the worst internal conflict to go through. I am an extremely confident person who has worked very hard for everything that I have and everything that I stand for. So to be crushed like a little girl (no offense to any little girls who read my blog) by a single statement, tweet, or text message always gets to me; it slams me down to the ground.

“Each one of us requires the spur of insecurity to force us to do our best.” -Harold W. Dodds

The thing that bothers me the most is that I was an extremely insecure individual for my first eighteen years of life. I monitored everything I said, how I talked, what I wore; I was always conscious of how I was coming across to others. Enter college: I finally had a chance not to worry about what others might say or who they would say it to. So I let go of those insecurities; I was myself.

Now being back home for the summer, not being around all my amazing friends, getting thrown back into an environment where I feel like I have to fit a mold, those same insecurities I buried are starting to resurface; I hate it. I am determined to be me. Plain and simple, I will continue to be myself and if doesn’t make everyone happy then that’s fine; it’s my life anyway, right?

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