ThoughtsOfAnEnglishMajor

My thoughts on life.

Archive for the category “Relationships”

Self-Worth

Fight for yourself. Know that you are worthy of love from a slew of sources: family, friends, lovers, humanity as a whole, but most importantly, yourself. In life we find ourselves in many different situations, interacting with people from different backgrounds, interpreting philosophies, combining, ideas, and creating this emotion that we call love. Too often we search for this in other people and the things in our lives. We struggle to remember the simple fact that we are our own fountain of happiness, our own center of love. Everything in your life is nothing more than a reflection of you own self-worth.

Every relationship I have in my history has been a learning experience. All in all, they get better as I move on, grow, and discover ever more discerningly what I am wanting in not only a relationship, but in myself. This feeling of never knowing yourself fully, due to the fact of change, is as liberating as it is terrifying. Often, people will combat the question, “What do you want to do?” with a more philosophical approach saying, “Who do you want to be?” However, I have no idea what I’ll be doing, or who I’ll be. I can only live in the present. I can only soak in the current moment like the dry cracking soil of the Serengeti.

You are not just worthy of love or happiness; you are worthy of greatness, high expectations for yourself and the people around you, respect from your peers, and the knowledge that you are stronger than any environment that could surround you. As a gay kid who grew up in a tough financial setting, who was in a very conservative environment, who took care of a family member that struggled with addiction, who managed to keep it all together for the public eye, I realize the feeling of unworthiness. However, I also obtain knowledge, coming from the pit of my gut, that I am worth something; I am worth love. Amazingly, you are too.

 

Do I Really Look Good?

Insecurity is something that every person faces. Sometimes it’s a man worried about his bald head, and other times it’s a woman worried about her weight. However, what I am discovering about my own insecurities is that they come from a place much deeper within my psyche than I ever imagined. After a few things have happened to me in my life, I have a great fear of abandonment. Usually, I handle it quite well. But here recently, it has stepped up to the plate and keeps hitting inside-the-park home runs.

Insecurity, for me, is the worst internal conflict to go through. I am an extremely confident person who has worked very hard for everything that I have and everything that I stand for. So to be crushed like a little girl (no offense to any little girls who read my blog) by a single statement, tweet, or text message always gets to me; it slams me down to the ground.

“Each one of us requires the spur of insecurity to force us to do our best.” -Harold W. Dodds

The thing that bothers me the most is that I was an extremely insecure individual for my first eighteen years of life. I monitored everything I said, how I talked, what I wore; I was always conscious of how I was coming across to others. Enter college: I finally had a chance not to worry about what others might say or who they would say it to. So I let go of those insecurities; I was myself.

Now being back home for the summer, not being around all my amazing friends, getting thrown back into an environment where I feel like I have to fit a mold, those same insecurities I buried are starting to resurface; I hate it. I am determined to be me. Plain and simple, I will continue to be myself and if doesn’t make everyone happy then that’s fine; it’s my life anyway, right?

Marriage Equality: It’s Simple

In the past week, marriage equality has taken center stage across the nation with the ban of gay marriage in North Carolina and the announcement by President Barack Obama supporting same-sex marriages. In fact, it seems to be the central social issue for the coming election.

The fact that this “issue” is even an issue astounds me and leaves me flabbergasted. This should not even be a debate in a country that guarantees the pursuit of happiness. There should be marriage equality in this country regardless of the people being talked about. So whether you are black, Muslim, atheist, gay, Buddhist, Christian, Native American, or if you believe that ducks create magic clouds full of money you have a right to marry.

The rights of my fist end where the rights of your nose begin. I particularly like that phrase. It is so symbolic of the ideology on which this country was founded. Meaning: I can do whatever I like; it is my right. However, once my right to do what I want interferes with someone else’s right then I am limited. This mentality seems to be manipulated by ridiculously conservative Christians to say that a same-sex marriage affects a heterosexual marriage. How? After all, those two people are still going to love each other with or without the document. So by not allowing them to marry, their love is not crushed just their spousal rights. How do the spousal rights of one couple, heterosexual or homosexual, affect another couple?

The United States of America has always striven to have a defined line between state/federal policy and religion. This is something that the founders thought necessary after being under such oppressive religious intolerance. This includes Buddhism, Islam, Judaism, Mormonism, Atheism, Satanism, and any other religious organization. So the arguments proclaiming homosexuality being condemned in the Bible, which is also another argument, is completely irrelevant to the marriage debate because the argument is strictly about the legal document. If you don’t want to have a gay marriage in your church, that’s fine. But to deny the legal document, that grants special privileges to two people who have chosen to live their live together as one, is preposterous. After all, we allow atheists to marry who think Christians are loony and don’t believe God has anything to do with the institution, or that God even exists.

Now, I am a Christian. Obviously, I don’t fall under the general consensus of the Christian population. But anyway, I believe that Christians in this country are far too entitled. Why their personal religious beliefs should be shoved down the throats of all of America is unknown. It is easy for Christians to want a “Christian America” because that is all they have known. However, who’s to say that in 50 years the majority of policy makers won’t be Islamic; it is the fastest growing religion worldwide. I wouldn’t want any other religion in government, and if I apply that mentality to other religions, I must apply it to Christianity.

After those bullet points have been address, one might wonder what else is left to debate. Quite honestly, any other argument is just a last-ditch attempt to keep a separate but equal mentality in the country. This debate is bigotry at it’s finest. Marriage equality needs to be written into federal law. It should not be left up to the states. Otherwise, half of this country would still ban interracial marriage.

Sure, the definition of marriage is changing. It has always been changing. It went from men owning wives and concubines to same race marriages all with many different interpretations in between. Now, we need to define marriage based on what is experienced, that’s love. Now, for those of you about to make the argument that bestiality and polygamy are examples of love please just take a second. In the issue of gay marriage we are talking about two individuals of the same species not more than one person of an interspecies marriages So, please stop trying to make the argument that the next thing will be people marrying goats; I doubt that will happen anytime soon.

If you like what I have to say or don’t like it but find it interesting, sign up for the email list or follow me on twitter @vaughn93. Please leave a comment! However, know that I will only host comments that are respectful and allow for communication, no bashing of thoughts of ideas.

In short, let people live their lives in peace. They are simply asking for equal rights; they don’t have some agenda to take over the world. Love.

Dance

I am starting off this post begging those few loyal followers to forgive me for my tardiness in writing new posts. The last two weeks were finals, and I seriously had to commit to my studies.

With the closing of the year, I am feeling so many different emotions. I feel like a pregnant lady in the mall who finds out she has to start shopping in the maternity section. At first though there was only one looming feeling that has been anchored into my heart. Sadness.

Over the course of nine months, I have gained so many new friends. I have grown more than anyone could ever imagine. I have changed. So much so, that the group of friends I have surrounded myself with have ultimately changed my life. and I couldn’t imagine my day-to-day life without them. To begin to think about leaving them was something I was dreading. And so the emotion-packed excursion began.

First, one friend trickled out. I wasn’t that sad, not because I didn’t care about them, but because their leaving was not real inside of my head; it hadn’t set in. Then another left and another and another. With each friend, the emotions rose. However, it wasn’t until my hour-and-a-half drive home that I broke down and started to bawl. Then, a song came on my ipod that seemed to change my thinking.

Now, call me corny or cheesy, but I believe everything in life has a great meaning and purpose. The song “I Hope You Dance” by Lee Ann Womack seemed to be translating that great message. Yes, I know it is about leaving the one you love and hoping the very best for them. I know; I bought the song. But, in this situation, it seemed to be applicable to me and my posse.

I realized that in four months time I will be right back to listening to stories that will cause me to cry with laughter, and telling stories of my own summer adventures. I will continue to grow and live life, as will my friends. I want them, not to be thinking about me, but to be enjoying one of their last summers as young adults. I want them, pardon the expression, to dance. Yes, I will miss them, but I know that four months will fly by as fast as first semester.

Yeah, I’m Single, So What?

Why is it that I cannot open a book, turn on a television show, or have a conversation with someone without seeing or hearing about how awful it is being single? The single guy on the sitcoms is always creepy, and the single girl is always desperate. Why do we gravitate on having someone?

Before you start judging me and thinking of me as a shrill, bitter, and pathetic guy who is just venting about not being able to get a date, hear me out. I am just trying to figure out why we, as a society, put so much pressure on finding our “other half.” Personally, I love being single. Sure, there are those times where having someone to share your world with, cuddle you, or just talk to you in the wee hours of the morning are nice, but not necessary. I mean what is this “you complete me” crap anyway? I’m sorry, but if you are not complete, in and of yourself, then there is no way I’m going to enter into a relationship with you knowing you’re off your emotional rocker. (OK, I must admit that the paragraph did sound a little shrill and bitter, let me try a different approach.)

I feel like half of the want and “need” for a relationship is instilled into our minds from everyone else who is in a relationship so we can join in their misery. I mean let’s just take a look at the relationships around us and see what they get us. Sure, Jack and Jill are the perfect couple, always holding hands, groping each other, but every time you invite them anywhere they cancel because they have to attend to their “soul mate.” So, their social life goes down the drains. Then we have Dan and Denise, they are the on again, off again couple that requires a scoreboard to see who is winning their most recent fight. They consume themselves with how they can one up the other person and blab on and on until you pull out all of your hair. Thirdly, there is James and Jennifer, they seem like normal people who hang out, still have a good relationship, but give each other space. However, seven months into the relationship James finds out that, even though he was cheating on her the whole time, she was too and both of them are so heartbroken they don’t know how they will ever cope.

This is the reason why I am so happy with being single right now. Of course, I want a relationship someday and I want someone to be there for me. And no, I am not nearly as crabby about love and relationships as this post makes me seem. However, I am not one to be in a relationship just because its been three months, the television says I’m incomplete, or someone is bragging about their great relationship. I think the mentality of using someone else as a crutch to stop dealing with ourselves is the exact reason why so many relationships fail, the divorce rate is so high, and people are generally unhappy. I have this odd idea that you should only start dating someone when you are crazy about every aspect of them not because Dr. Phil says so.

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