Insecurity is something that every person faces. Sometimes it’s a man worried about his bald head, and other times it’s a woman worried about her weight. However, what I am discovering about my own insecurities is that they come from a place much deeper within my psyche than I ever imagined. After a few things have happened to me in my life, I have a great fear of abandonment. Usually, I handle it quite well. But here recently, it has stepped up to the plate and keeps hitting inside-the-park home runs.
Insecurity, for me, is the worst internal conflict to go through. I am an extremely confident person who has worked very hard for everything that I have and everything that I stand for. So to be crushed like a little girl (no offense to any little girls who read my blog) by a single statement, tweet, or text message always gets to me; it slams me down to the ground.
“Each one of us requires the spur of insecurity to force us to do our best.” -Harold W. Dodds
The thing that bothers me the most is that I was an extremely insecure individual for my first eighteen years of life. I monitored everything I said, how I talked, what I wore; I was always conscious of how I was coming across to others. Enter college: I finally had a chance not to worry about what others might say or who they would say it to. So I let go of those insecurities; I was myself.
Now being back home for the summer, not being around all my amazing friends, getting thrown back into an environment where I feel like I have to fit a mold, those same insecurities I buried are starting to resurface; I hate it. I am determined to be me. Plain and simple, I will continue to be myself and if doesn’t make everyone happy then that’s fine; it’s my life anyway, right?